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Ask Just Judy: Is it really possible to "Fight Fair"?

Dear Just Judy:

I really love my husband, I promise. But, I am really struggling with some issues we cannot agree on. It’s not that I want to be in control of every decision, it’s just that there are times I truly believe I am right. I know he thinks he is just as right and we continually reach a point of futility. That’s when we become angry and cannot seem to reach a


Is it really possible to fight fair?

- Futile in Forney

Dear Futile: I once read this anonymous statement: “There is nothing so annoying as arguing with a person who knows what he’s talking about.” The goal for fair fighting would be to change the encounter from a fight to a conversation. Begin with restating accurately what the other person’s point of view is on the matter. (Put yourself in his shoes) Make sure you truly disagree. Stick to the issue at hand. There is no need to bring up arguments of the past. Simply, focus on coming to an agreeable solution together. In healthy relationships, there will always be a point where one of the parties involved chooses to submit for the sake of peace. “I will do this your way, because I love you and honor you as my husband. But, my opinion remains the same. I appreciate your willingness to hear my opinion. ” The most difficult relational challenge you will face comes when you are proven right and have to choose not to say “I told you so!” True lasting love expresses its maturity in the ability to place our hands over our mouths. This takes practice!

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